Today, I realized that I am still a child. After waiting for so long to be fetched, I cried.
In spite of all the times I have left school so late in the evening, I still feel the loneliness and anxiety of sitting down and doing nothing but watching the minutes tick away, waiting for that mellow, deep voice of my father calling out my name. The unfulfilled hopes of his arriving in each passing of a second still piles up within me and at the sight of him, I cannot help but to let my tears flow and wash away the me who has been trying so hard to hide beneath the me who looks so patiently waiting.
In spite of all the times I have left school so late in the evening, I still feel the loneliness and anxiety of sitting down and doing nothing but watching the minutes tick away, waiting for that mellow, deep voice of my father calling out my name. The unfulfilled hopes of his arriving in each passing of a second still piles up within me and at the sight of him, I cannot help but to let my tears flow and wash away the me who has been trying so hard to hide beneath the me who looks so patiently waiting.
In spite of all the times I have felt stronger and more independent, I still long for my dad's presence. His embrace still tells me that everything's fine and he's got butter cookies in the car so I need to wipe those tears away because tears are salty and I wouldn't want to ruin my sweet cookie.
Today, I realized that I am still a child. After writing a hundred posts, I still am at loss of words to say. Or maybe it is in this way that I am not a child anymore. Because now, I think twice of every word that should leave my fingers. How to begin and how to end my ramblings are no easy things for me to do now. I think too much of what and where, and say too little of when and why. I am not angry when I'm angry, and I am not sad when I'm sad.
Today, I realized that I am still a child. A child forever born inside this reality.
P.S. I had the first few sentences of this post written yesterday but I chose to sleep so I didn't finish it. I kind of wanted this as a spoken word poem. I shall record my voice someday and post it here. >:]