Found and Lost

/ Thursday, 17 January 2013 /
It pains me whenever I see myself looking at you in the most negative way possible that my—as my friend would say—mammalian brain could ever imagine. I hate it that my mind has decided to look at you in such a manner. Disgusted. Detached. Anything but love. Sure, there are still times when I think of how you're doing and if you're fine—while walking on the corridors or sitting on a bench doing my notecards—but why is it that when you interact with me, all I feel is repulsion? A want to just run away from you as quick and as far as my legs can carry me ignites within me, although all that happens really is an impassive "Sure." What are you to me now, really?

Am I being a coward again? Desiring to escape from your presence? I still don't understand. I'd like to sit down and talk with you—about anything under the sun, really. But when it is you who comes over, I abhor it. I cringe when you ask to borrow my eraser or ask me Math questions. I shudder when I hear you comment about my time and space. Tell me. Why have you become so repulsive? I don't doubt that all you mean when you speak to me now is what you speak. Nothing more, and nothing less. So what is it that kills me everytime?

Maybe it is exactly that. Maybe it's the realisation whenever you speak to me that we are no longer together, that you were just a part of my past now that makes me feel annoyed. I don't think we wasted our time then. I don't think it was a bad thing that happened to us. But I guess, it's just really hard when you're reminded what once was.

No, I don't want to get back together. That is the least that I would want to be given. Right now is after all, better. Best. Apt for the moment. Right. Is it now fact that from here on, we will be going our separate ways—never again to feel our heartbeats in sync with one another even for just a moment? Is this really goodbye? 

I would like to tell you that I'm rather happy still. I don't doubt that you are too. I pray that aftertime we both find ourselves chasing after dreams we were really meant to chase.

//unedited, spur of the moment
 
Copyright © 2010 Sewing Feathers, All rights reserved
Design by DZignine. Powered by Blogger