For the past weeks, blogpost ideas have crossed my mind, but I never resolved to actually sit down and write a post. It was either because I felt too lazy and didn't want to think, or because I just wanted to keep my hiatus going for as long as my mind permits.
Recently, someone asked me for a blogpost idea but surprisingly, I couldn't remember any of my past ideas. There was actually one that I thought of, but it was for a short fictional piece. (I have been greatly influenced by Leona. I should really be more aware.) He doesn't seem the kind of person who would like to write one, especially when the plot isn't his so I decided not to mention it. Eventually, I was able to think of a slightly general topic which seemed good enough, since he was also running out of time and had to leave soon.
Now, another friend of mine asked me to write and post. I initially didn't understand what he meant and accepted his request. When I finally realized he wanted me to do this very activity I am currently doing, I faltered. At the moment he asked me of this, I was writing, or at least attempting to; only it's directly addressed to someone. I had already wrecked my brain in my desperate endeavours to find what it was I truly needed to tell the latter. For more than a week, I have been constantly thinking and planning my next words and actions. I have supported and contradicted myself over and over again.
I didn't want to make a post. I didn't feel like showing the world what my thoughts were, even if it was indirectly. I couldn't predict what words would leave my fingertips. I couldn't let people see what I don't intend them to see. I just can't begin writing and in the process, realize who I've become. I admit that I am broken, but do I have to see how much I've fallen away? Will I have to uncover every bit of myself that I have kept hidden from people's sight? Do I need to be reminded of how deceitful my heart really is?
In the end, I saved my draft, closed my mail, and signed in my Blogger account. I am writing now, not simply because I dare not break a promise, but because humans may not be good enough but we are strong enough. We are meant to fall down and scrape our knees, only to be able to gather the courage and strength to rise back up. We are created to shed tears of pain and of hope. We need simply to believe and trust that we are all meant for something great and it is never the ending of our story.